Top 20 Teacher Jokes Best School Jokes Ever

Teacher: ‘Craig, you know you can't sleep in my class.'
Craig: 'I know. But maybe if you were just a little quieter, I could.'

There is one person in our district who is all about “No Child Left Behind”
Who’s that?
The bus driver

*Teacher: You copied from Fred's exam paper didn't you ?
Pupil: How did you know ?
Teacher: Fred's paper says "I don't know" and you have put "Me, neither"!

*The little boy wasn't getting good marks in school. One day he made the teacher quite surprised. He tapped her on the shoulder and said ..."I don't want to scare you, but my daddy says if I don't get better grades, somebody is going to get a spanking.

Master: How Old is ur father?
Pappu: As old as I am.
Master: How is it possible?
Pappu: He became father only after I was born.

Ek School pe ek ladka bahut der se ghar ke bahar khada school ki ghanti bajane ki kosish kar raha tha.Toh ek Pion aaya aur kaha:
Pion: Kya kar rahe ho beta?
Ladka: Uncle, yeh ghanti bajana chahta hu.
Pion (ghanti bajake): Yeh lo bajgaya, or school ki sob students chuti ho gaya samajh kar bahar a gaya tab pion ne kaha,ab kya hai?
Ladka: Ab bhago!

Teacher ne bachon se kaha
“jab ham student they to bohat laiq they”
Aik bachay ne masoomiat se kaha
“Ap ko ustaad qabil mil gaey hon gey”

Guruji - Beta Bhains ko doodh piya kar, bado aadmi ban jayego
Student- Guruji agar, bhains ko doodh pine se hi jo koi bado aadmi ban jaave tau paado aaj collector hoto

Bubbli class mei gadha le aye
Miss Misba: isay Q lyee ho?
Bubbli: Miss ap he tu kehti hein
k
mei bre bre gadho ko insan bna deti hu

Teacher: Bacho batao k billi 1 sath itnay
saray bachay kaisay paida karti hay?
Kid: Miss agar aap road pay billi ki
tarah ghoomo to aap ko pata chal jayega…

Teacher to Ramu: Ramu Kal School kyo nahi aaye
Ramu to Teacher: Sir Kal Gir gaya tha or lag gayi thi
Teacher asked: Kanah gir gaye the or kaha lag gayi
Ramu said: Khat Pe gira or Annkh Lag gayi

Class ki har ladki ek phool hai, Usse chahna ek bhool hai. Jo inki soch mein gul hai, Samjho uski Compartment ke chances full hai..

Teacher:sabse jyada nasha kis chiz me hota he? Student:padhai me Teacher: wo kaise? Student:Teacher, kitaben khole hi neend aa jati he..  

Teacher: “Ess line ki english banao- Usne apna kaam kiya or karta hi gaya.” Student: He done his work and done-dana-dan done-dana-dan.

Teacher: Main Ne Subha Ko Khoobsurat Larki Dekhi Iss Ka Future Tense Batao? Student: Mai Kal Tak Wo Larki Phassa Loonga

Teacher:
She Is Kidding…
Translated In Hindi…
Punjabi:
Woh Bachey Dey Rahi Hai...Nice Status

Teacher in Class: Dehli min “Kutub Meenar” hai. A student was sleeping teacher wakes him and asks,What did I just say? Student: Dehli main Kutta Beemar hai.

Girl: Baby I am wet.
Boy: Want a paper towel?
Girl: No, I want more than that
Boy: Want 2 paper towels?
Girl: No, baby I want sumthing big and round
Boy: Damn you want the whole roll?

Teacher: "Kids, what does the chicken give you?"
Student: "Meat!"
Teacher: "Very good! Now what does the pig give you?"
Student: "Bacon!"
Teacher: "Great! And what does the fat cow give you?"
Student: "Homework!" 

Me: "May I go to the restroom."
Teacher: "What for?"
Me: "To Open The Chamber Of Secrets, What the hell do you think?

On the first day of school, Peter handed his new teacher a note from his mother. The teacher unsealed the note, read it, looked at Peter with a frown, and placed the note inside a desk drawer. “So what did she write?” Peter asked. “It’s a disclaimer.”
“A what?” “It says, ‘ The opinions expressed by Peter are not necessarily those of his mother or father,

The teacher asked little Peter; "If I have 5 mangoes in one hand and five mangoes in the other, what do I have?”
" Big Hands, " said Peter.

It was the firs day of school, and the first grade teacher decided to see how much her students knew about math.
“Steven, can you tell me what is 3 and 2?” Steven said, “That’s when you should watch very, very carefully before you swing at the next pitch.

The law professor was lecturing on courtroom procedure. “When you are fighting a case and have the facts on your side, hammer away at the facts. If you have the law on your side, hammer away with the law.” “But what if you have neither the facts nor the law on your side?” “In that case,” said the professor, “hammer away on the table.”

Yes, Theo, what is it? Asked the teacher.
I don’t wan to alarm you, Miss Davis, but my dad said if I didn’t get better marks, someone was going to get a licking.

The teacher wrote on the blackboard, “I ain’t had no fun all summer.”
“Now Paul,” she said. “What shall I do to correct this?”
“Get a boy friend.” Paul replied. 

Teacher: Why do we sometimes call the Middle Ages the Dark Ages?
Peter: Because they had so many knights.

The Teacher says, “I wish you’d pay a little attention Mary.”
“I am paying as little as I can Mrs. Bell,” said Mary. 

A kindergarten teacher handed out a coloring page to her class. On it was a picture of a duck holding an umbrella. The teacher told her class to color the duck in yellow and the umbrella green, however, Bobby, the class rebel, colored the duck in a bright fire truck red. After seeing this, the teacher asked him: "Bobby, how many times have you see a red duck?" Young Bobby replied with "The same number of times I've seen a duck holding an umbrella."

Teacher: Now, you must not say, “I ain’t goin’.” You should say, “I am not going, he is not going; we are not going; they are not going.”
Student: Wow! Ain’t nobody goin’ then?

Student: I would love for you to teach me a foreign language.
Teacher: Certainly. French, German, Russian, Italian, Spanish?
Student: Oh, which is the most foreign?

TEACHER: Why are you late, Frank?
FRANK: Because of the sign.
TEACHER: What sign?
FRANK: The one that says, "School Ahead, Go Slow."

TEACHER: Millie, give me a sentence starting with "I."
MILLIE: I is...
TEACHER: No, Millie.... . Always say, "I am."
MILLIE: All right... "I am the ninth letter of the alphabet.