Latest Updates Super Funny Quotes New Collection

A funny quote can surely make your day!! A moment comes when we all look for a way to relieve from pressure and constant worry. Humor is an excellent approach to reduce our anxiety. Funny sayings or funny phrases can give us a rescue from our day to day worries. if you want to see our latest blogs visit Bittusharma.com

Super Funny Quotes

गब्बर: आज मेने बसंती को नहाते वक्त देखा….
वीरू: कुत्ते कमीने… मैं तेरा खून पि जाऊंगा!.
गब्बर: रिलेक्स बेवडे…मैं नहा रहा था…. बसंती जा रही थी….
जब देखो तब खून पि जाऊंगा.

एक औरत की बड़े शहर में इंटरव्यू के बाद नौकरी लग गई.
उसने सोचा- अपने पति को SMS कर दूँ, ताकि उन्हें चिन्ता ना हो. पर गलती  से SMS दूसरे नंबर पर चला गया.
जिसको यह SMS मिला, वह अपनी पत्नी का अंतिम संस्कार कर के लौट रहा था.
SMS पढ़ते ही वो बेहोश हो गया.
SMS कुछ इस तरह का था…
मैं सही सलामत पहूंच गई हूँ.
यहाँ रहने की भी अच्छी सुविधा है.
आप चिन्ता मत करना.
१-२ दिन में आपको भी बुला लूंगी.
आपकी पत्नी.

गब्बर – गंदे
सांबा – तुम गंदे
गब्बर – गंदे
सांबा -  तुम गंदे
गब्बर – गन दे भूतनी के गन !!

बहु बरामदे में बैठे ससुर के पास खाली चाय का कप लेने गई…
तो कप लेने के लिए जैसे ही झुकी तो पाद💨 निकल गया
बहु शर्म के मारे बिना कप उठाये वापस जाने लगी,
ससुर ने आवाज लगाई -”बहु यहाँ कुछ काम था कि सिर्फ पादने आई थी…???”

Bahut phele ki baat hai ki . . Ki . .kiii . . Wo
.
.
Sorry yaad nahi aa rahi . ,

A potato was being interrogated by CID. After lot of serious interrogation potato says.
‘Mat maro mujhe. Main BATATA hoon, main BATATA hoon’

Beggar: “Kuch khaane ka do! 2 Din se kuch Nahi Khaya”
Pandit: “Tamatar Khao”
Beggar: “Roti do baba”
Pandit: “Tamatar Khao”
Beggar: “Tamatar hi khila do”
Pandit’s Wife: “Ye Totla bolte he, Keh rahe he KAMAKAR KHAO !”

At the Indo-Pak border, an Indian officer shouts at a Pakistani spy,”Goli maar dunga!”
The Pakistani spy replies, “Goli se darr nahi lagta sa’ab, ‘Kohli’ se lagta hai!”

Sonu: “Duniya Me Sabase Jyada Himmat Wala Kon?”
Monu: “DHOBI”
Sonu: “Kaise?”
Monu: “Kisi ke Bhi Ghar Ja ke Keh Sakta Hai Sahab, Madam Ko Bolo, Kapde Nikal Ke Rakhen, Main Abhi A kar Leta Hoon”

Marwadi aur sardar me difference?
Taxi Driver: “Saab, Brake fail ho gaya hai.”
Marwadi: “Koi baat nahi pahele meter bandh kar do.”
Sardar: “Oye koi baat nahi agli baar pass ho jayega.”

Sardar to Gujarati Seth: Sethji, hum ek anath ashram bana rahe hain.
Kanjoos Gujarati: Very good !
Sardar: Aap hamare anath ashram ke liye kya kar sakte ho ?
Kanjoos Gujarati: Mein anath ashram mein apne 4 bachhe ko bhej sakta hu.

Funny Santa ne Banta ko Hindi SMS bheja: Bhejane-wala mahaan, padhane-wala gadha.
Banta gusse me vapis sms bhejta hai: Bhejane-wala gadha, padhane-wala mahaan.

You have two ‘agarbattis’ on a boat but no source of fire. How will you light an agarbattis if you are in the middle of the river?
Answers are:
1. Throw an agarbatti into the river. It make the boat lighter. Use it to light agarbatti
2. Throw an agarbatti in air and catch it. Catches win matches. Use these matches to light agarbatti
3. Take some river water, let it fall drop by drop. You know that “Tip-tip barsa pani, pani ne aag lagai.”. Use it to light the agarbatti.

Santa came to the US and was lying on a beach in California.
An American: “Are you relaxing?”
Santa: “No, I am SantaSingh!”
Another American: “Are you relaxing?”
Santa: “No, I am SantaSingh!”
Another American: “Are you relaxing?”
Santa: “No (shouting), I am SantaSingh!”
Santa left that place in anger and went to the other end.
Then Santa asked one American lying nearby, “Are you relaxing?”
The American: “Yes.”
Santa slapped him and said, “Haramkhor sab tujhe dhund rahe hain aur tu yahaan padaa hai!”

Teacher: “Pappu, batao Parle G ke packet pe jo Green dot bana hai uska matlab kya hai?”
Pappu: “Ma’am iska matlab Parle G online baithe hain !!”…;)

Teacher: Daya! Ek taraf paisa hai aur ek taraf dimaag, kya select karogey??
Daya: “Paisa”
Teacher: Galat! Me hoti to dimaag leti.
Daya: Apni apni Jarurat hoti hai Madam 

Super Funny Quotes

Here are some short yet super and great one liner quotes and sayings to give you a best laugh ever. Let's enjoy for the time being you are here.......

Teacher: “Tumhare papa Rs.500 ki loan lete hain. 10% interest ke hisab se voh 1 saal bad loan vapis karte hain. Batao kitne paise vapis karenge?”
Bania’s son: “Kuch bhi nahi.”
Teacher: “Tum maths nahi jante.”
Bania’s son: “Me to maths janta hu, par aap mere papa ko nahi jante.”

In 1975, 3 Birds were flying and suddenly they died and fell down.
Why??
..
Remember In SHOLAY, Gabbar had shot 3 bullets in Air.

A Gujarati, a Madrasi and a Sardar were doing construction work on
scaffolding on the 20th floor of a building.
They were having lunch and Gujju opened his lunch box & said, “Dhokla !
If I get dhokla one more time for lunch, I’m going to jump off this
building.”
The Madrasi opened his lunch box and exclaimed, “Idli Sambhar again! If
I get idli sambhar one more time I’m going to jump off too.”
The Sardar opened his lunch and said, “Paratha again! If I get a paratha
one more time, I’m jumping too.”
The next day, the Gujju opened his lunch box, saw dhokla, and jumped to
his death.
The Madrasi opened his lunch, saw idli sambhar, and jumped, too.
The Sardar opened his lunch, saw the paratha and jumped to his death as
well.
At the funeral, Gujju’s wife was weeping. She said, “If I’d known how
really tired he was of dhokla, I never would have given it to him
again!”
The Madrasi’s wife also wept and said, “I could have given him dosa! I
didn’t realize he hated idli sambhar so much.”
Everyone turned and stared at the sardar’s wife.
.
.
.
Sardar’s wife said, “Don’t look at me, He makes his own lunch.”

A boy on a date in BMW car,
boy: maine tumse ek baat chupaayi hai.
GIRL; kya ?
BOY: I’m already married,
GIRL: tumne to dara hi diya tha, main samjhi BMW tumhari nahi hai.

Faqir:- pehle aap roz 10rs dete the, fir 5, ab 1. Kyun?
Aadmi:- pehle me kunwara tha, fir shaadi ki, ab bacche hai.
Faqir:- Bahut khoob! Matlab mere rupeeyon se aayashi….sharam bhi nahi aaati!!

Teacher: What is your name?
Student: Mera naam Suraj Prakash hai.
Teacher: When I ask a question in English, I want answer in English.
Student: Ok. My name is Sunlight.
Teacher: What is your name?
Student2: My name is Beautiful Red Underwear
Teacher: What kind of a name is this? Don’t joke tell me the right name
Student2: My name is Sunderlal Chadda.

Santa: Me yahan nahi rahunga,Itna chhota room,No window, No Bathroom, Return my money.
Waiter: Waiter: Mere Baap ! Upar room me to chal, Yeh to lift hai
Aaj ka Quiz:
Wo kon sa player hai Jo din mein India k liye khelta hai aur raat ko Pakistan ke liye??
.
.
.
Sania Mirza..

Santa and his pregnant wife who was about to deliver were running and Banta saw them,
Banta:O Santa singh, oye woti nu ais haal vitch le ke kithey puj rya vain,
Santa: assi Pizza hut chaley aan, sunya aa othey free delivery hondi aaa

Wife: “Ye ‘inflation’ kya hai?”
Husband: “Pehle tu 36-24-36 thee. Ab tu 48-38-48 hai. Tere paas pehle se sab kuchh jyaada hai. Fir bhi teri value kam hai – bas yahi ‘inflation’ hai!”

Ek aadmi ki 6 fingers thi..
To Log usko Pappu kehte the…
batao kyon?
…
…
Kyunki Uska Naam Pappu Tha..

Santa Walking On Road, Saamne Gobar Pada Tha
Santa Ne Jhuk Kar Ungli Dal Kar Taste Kia Aur Bola: Oh! Ye To Gobar Hai, Thank God Mera Pair Nai Pada 

Santa: “Bachpan Mein Maan Ki Baat Suni Hoti To Aaj Ye Din Na Dekhne Padte.”
Banta: “Kya Kehta Tha Maan?”
Santa: “Jab Baat Hi Nhi Suni To Mujhe Kya Pata, Kya Kehta Tha 

Father: “Beta maine tere liye ek ladki dekhi hai, woh ‘Roopvati’, ‘Gunvati’ aur ‘Sarasvati’ hai!”
Son: “Woh sab to theek hai papa, lekin mein kisi aur se pyaar karta hoon aur woh ‘Garbhvati’ hai!”

Ek aadmi dudh pite hue mar gaya. Kaise?
..
..
Kyunki bhens niche beth gayi.

Funny Facebook Status Updates is a great way to get a lot of attention without having to reveal personal information about you feelings or activities; something many people don’t feel comfortable with. They are also not hard to come up with. They can be funny comments about news events, sports, funny quotes, or just clever twists on things that happen in everyday life. Here are some examples of some different Good Funny Facebook Status Updates that you can use to brighten your social networking community’s day.